This wonderful person m_stiefvater  posted this about confidencel and it got me thinking. I’ve copied part of my comment to this post, and added and edited some random musing.

Being confident is not always the same as being good at something, although being successful certainly helps your confidence. Self confidence is the fuel that moves us forward, makes us take one more step, to give it one more try, and has nothing to do with results or talent.

In another life I was a karate instructor and have observed the fragile skin of natural talent. The dojo floor is the equaliser; you will eventually get your arse kicked. The ones who are scarred the most from this ego crushing experience are the born gifted. The hard workers take it on the chin, or the butt cheek, and move on.   

Self confidence is not a measure of success or talent. Confidence is a product of achievement and maturity. Self confidence is the bio-fuel needed for the long haul.

Everyone has something they're good at. Knowing yourself, I believe, is paramount for self confidence; helps you identify and honour that one thing. It may be something easily overlooked: a great smile, always finding the right key the first time, peeling an orange so the skin remains together—it’s a gift baby. Once you know yourself, how you think, why you think, what you really mean, self confidence grows. Find one thing, and I guarantee you'll find another.

From an energetic perspective, being shy or nervous, is only that, and is not a measure of self confidence. I was and remain a shy person, but I’m able to let self confidence guide my passions. Shy people learn to observe, and develop a heightened sense of understanding, and or intuition. There’s nothing more exhilarating than watching a shy person become animated about something they’re passionate about. You have to believe them because they look so innocent: bright eyes, flustered cheeks, bloody hell take a breath, conviction and belief strangling embarrassment—yes I believe you!

If you have to tell people how good you are, then that’s ego. Show, don't tell. Funny thing about ego is that no one has ego until they're judged to have it. Stand in an empty room and be as extroverted and as confident as you can and nobody cares. It might be a bit lonely, but no ones going to say you’re an egotistical wanker.

If that’s the case then why is there so much mind/body/spirit literature on overcoming the ego mind/self?

Too much effort is directed at overcoming ego. We all have it, but it becomes Jacks beanstalk only when it’s observed with envy. Are you successful? I hope so. Tell me a happy story, something that you’re proud of, and I won’t be jealous. Your hard work, good fortune, prosperity, and jubilation inspire me to reach my goals.

Maggie is a published author, so I went on to say.

I dream success; my books already published and selling in 30 countries. If I want it to happen I need to work hard and be smart. Next month a journalist wants to do a story about me, and someone I respect, someone talented, wants to read my manuscript, and that has happened because I keep putting one foot in front of another. It’s self confidence that drives that foot. Am I nervous? Hell yeah! But in my mind I'm already on Oprah.

As far as being published is concerned, I think that’s like threading a needle with your tongue. There's going to be blood eventually. I have to find someone who believes in my product as much as I do and then it has to be polished, sold, and marketed. I only get one chance. Don't let the no’s knock you around, it’s not personal. Life is like being a ram in a paddock of ewes; there's opportunity everywhere, but in publishing, there's one fine ewe looking over a paddock of rams, and she's fussy.

Well I’ve returned home after another successful trip to Gatton and the Gold Coast. Thirty five healings over eight days, and every one was incredible, and worthy of a chapter in a book. I want to thank Nury, Anthony, Janet, Ruth, Barry, and the best, I’ll do anything I can for you girl in the world, Lisa. Also, thank you to everyone who came for a treatment. I love you guys.

The biggest medical story of the trip was C’s healing. C has had four, unsuccessful, operations to fix leaking urethra tubes. She also has arthritis and associated pain, and her pancreas is not working efficiently. C was a nurse and came to see me by referral. C had three treatments with me the month before and her tubes are now working properly. She is also now able to feel and use the muscles that control her bladder.

C felt movement inside her while I was working on her, and had immediate improvement after the first session. This visit C had two treatments and I was able to describe her pancreas, (after asking where it was) I felt fluid move and believed the pancreas was working. I have no medical training, but C agreed that I described the pancreas and its function correctly.

At times it’s difficult to know exactly where I’m travelling in the body. I become a part of the body: muscles, tissue, nerves, fluids, and the ambiguous stream of consciousness, that tasty soup of emotion, personality, life’s experiences, and this-is-going-to-make-me-cry. Inject yourself with adrenaline, make love to that fantasy girl/guy, bury your childhood pet, all in the same millisecond, and you’ll have some idea of what I feel when I’m healing.

C looks and, she tells me, feels ten years younger. She has lost weight, and is pain free. The arthritis pain disappeared by the second treatment this trip. C talked with, and saw her guides clearly, and she also saw Jesus during the healing. There were tears of joy, and lots of smiles.

 Every healing feels like falling in love, and I’m blessed to form such beautiful friendships with so many people.

For myself I have a greater understanding of the healing process, and my confidence is growing. I’m more comfortable with this gift. I’m able to observe myself, and maybe for the first time know who I am.

Thanks everyone. Thanks Gegu.

Hi everybody, its fiction writing time again. go here for details This month’s prompt is Princess Tuvstarr by John Bauer (see my first posted image). There’s a prize to be won! Come on God of winning stuff!


 

The drive to Gladstone was horrendous, torrential rain, heavy traffic, an accident, and subsequent delays. Bruce Springsteen, Robbie Williams, Chris Isaac, and Garth Brooks kept me company. When I was eighteen, and living in the shearing quarters on a sheep and cattle station, I listened to Bruce Springsteen all the time, but I’ve lost that Born in the USA feeling. Sorry Bruce.

I’d like to thank Gavin for accommodating and feeding me, and all the people who came for healing. I particularly enjoyed seeing Roe again. I had seen her two days in a row some months previously, and she now looked ten years younger and happy. She described everything that had bothered her in the past as being so yesterday.

I feel an incredible love for everyone I have the healing experience with, and I’m surprised and a little awed that this feeling resides in me.

I’ve also returned to the Gold Coast for a week of healing, and arriving home I’m feeling confused and emotional. It has taken two days for me to find comfort in the familiar. I love home and my family, but I need time to recover from the emotions I experience during healing.

Thank you everyone for being patient.

Thanks Barry and Ruth for taking care of me and letting me use your home for my appointments. Lisa, I love you.

I’ve recently noticed that a shape materialises on the palm of my right hand when I’m healing. While I was working a healing guide told me that I had the mark of a healer. Asking where it was, he answered on my hand. Looking, I noticed an effigy of a face in the position on my palm where I feel the most energy flowing from.

Down the Gold Coast a heart appeared; a glowing light pink love heart. I was able to show two people the heart, but I don’t know if I can photograph it. The image fades when my attention, and hand, moves away from the clients body.

A butterfly, eye, and angel have materialised in the same place. I guess this is like seeing images in clouds, but the image on my hand glows and seems raised. I’m happy someone else has seen it.

On my left hand the dominant flow is from another position, on the webbing between thumb and pointer, and for now I haven’t noticed a shape.

Energy flows from my whole body, and my sensitivity to and awareness is increasing. Considering that healing miracles happened in 2000 I suspect it’s only my awareness and understanding that is growing and not my ability to heal.

Talk to you soon.  

I had a great weekend healing at Gatton. Thank you Nurry for your enthusiasm and support and thanks to Janet for letting me use your lounge room for the bookings. Nurry’s house is beautiful and surrounded by state forest, the perfect holiday retreat.

I’ve been offline for eight days. My modem is cactus and Telstra’s customer support is pretty ordinary (crap!). Two hours on the phone and six days waiting for a new modem. Of course it didn’t arrive before the Easter weekend. Angry face! Rummaged around downstairs and found the old Optus modem and then argued with the computer generated response until a real person (I think) helped me configure the old modem. The new one is coming. Mmm, of course it is.

The spirit of Edgar Cacey has been spending a lot of time with me. He watches me when I work and often talks to me about vibrational frequency and harmony. Ghandi and Pope John Paul have also appeared in the healing room.

One of the rooms I worked in down the Gold coast had a picture of the Dalai Lama in it and one night turning my head away from this picture he materialised in the room. It was like gold light was pulled from the wall with the movement of my head. I believe at that moment the Dalai Lama knew I was working.

Gegu confirms this and two weeks before I had three holy (?) men from India materialise that I knew were still living. Of course this is difficult to prove but my life is all about faith and I know this is possible. I feel living people and emotions all the time and I’m able to be present around people from a distance.

I’ve lots to share, but little time. I’m going to Gladstone for two days of healing. I’ll talk again when I’m home. Cheers, Simon.

1)  I did 47 healings last week at the gold coast. I’m grateful to the Paradise Kids staff for their support and hospitality. I’m eternally respectful for this opportunity, and blessed to be in good company.

2) There were three healings that didn’t have a great response, and I’m frustrated by this because of my commitment to spirit. Could I have done something better? Was I tired? I’ll have to post my thoughts on this topic in the near future.

3) The spirit of Edgar Cacey sat with me one morning and he talked about energy frequencies and harmonics. One thing I noticed this week was the healing table seemed to be rocking back and forward lengthways, and when I crouched, the pulse (ebb and flow) was stronger near the floor, and interfered with my hearing. I’ll think about this, and talk with Gegu.

4) I’m going back down to the Gold Coast Sunday and home Thursday for one night. Then I’m off to Gatton for a weekend of healings. Thank you, Nurry.

5) I cooked stir fry chicken and veges for dinner. Sweet chilli. Yum! No ghosts were present.

6) My legs ache.

7) Did I say my legs ache?! I’ll accept all offers of massage.

8) This http://www.amazon.com/Lament-Faerie-Deception-Maggie-Stiefvater/dp/0738713708# is a great book. Buy it for your kids and your Nan. You know that first sip of beer, how its so much better than the last? Or that cup of tea that you pick up and is empty, leaving you wanting more? This is it.

Goodnight everybody, x.

The power behind my healing gift seems to be growing in magnitude, and I feel like a particle of ice caught in the slip stream of a giant avalanche. It’s almost inconceivable that my life has been the fertile garden needed to propagate such a beautiful bloom. Today I listened to an excited lady tell me she can now, without pain, lift her arms above her head for the first time in twelve years. Her fingers, straight and relaxed, are no longer closed with pain, and she can bend and flex her legs. The good news kept coming. She was able to txt without her glasses, and she believes the cyst on her ovary has gone. From these hands?

The miracles flow as frequently as the tears that often appear on the healing table. It’s not faith that causes my mind to ponder, but wonder, and maybe fatigue and I-need-a-hug.

Two doctors come for healing, and now a third will be hearing from the excited lady. A psychiatrist has my business card. These things I’ve dreamed about. I will change the world. I want to speak to nurses, doctors, and medical students, and show them this incredible something. I can feel it coming in the air tonight (thank you Phil Collins).

I’m too regular, too blokey, and too bloody bald for such dreams. I’m not tall enough! And to be entirely honest, I sometimes feel like a wanker for writing this dribble. No, I haven’t been drinking. I had two beers while I cooked fish and made salad for dinner, and since then I’ve cleaned the kitchen and organised the kids for bed.

And yes, I thought about this on the toilet. Every time I heal, something amazing happens: the movie I see, new healing guides, the grotesque black, and the colour-chart of emotions. Sometimes when I heal women, I grow breasts and experience birth and period pain. “Girls, forgive me for every time I’ve not been patient.” I’m always surprised and humbled by these experiences.  

With all the healing my writing has slowed, and I’ve still not completed reviewing the edit of The Disciple. This frustrates me a little, but this is what I’ve created. As much as I believe in the healing, I know I have a best seller.

I miss commenting on friend’s posts, but I’m trying to focus on posting something here. I’m offline for a week. Stay healthy and happy, Simon.   

I’ve been busy and I’ve had incredible results healing. I’m eternally grateful to Gegu and the many angelic healers that work with me. I’m also grateful to the lovely Lisa who works for http://www.paradisekids.org.au/  and has invited me here http://www.hopewell.org.au/ for a week of healing starting the 9^th of March.

Lisa came to see me a few weeks ago. She had glandular fever, and after the healing she no longer had it. She was so excited she invited me to the Gold Coast and I did seventeen healings in three days. This will be my second visit, and I want to thank Lisa and all the staff at Paradise Kids for their hospitality and support.

This is an opportunity I have the utmost respect for and I know spirit has co-ordinated the synchronicity surrounding this event. I can’t stop smiling.

I’ve also been invited to Gatton Qld, and possibly Gladstone Qld. You little ripper!

Okay, so if you want me to come to your home town, invite me! Supply the accommodation and book in everyone you know.

The sisters over at  merry_fates have posted a prompt here http://community.livejournal.com/merry_fates/63578.html for watchers to use as inspiration for a story. This is my response. I’m not sure if it’s what I intended and it took me two days to get it right, but here it is. Mild, maybe sensitive nookie warning, for the young and easily offended. This is fiction everybody, but you will find parts of my life in here.  

I want to change the world, and this

http://www.latimes.com/news/la-me-school28-2009jan28,0,3503114.story?track=rss

is one of the many things I want to change. My lj friend 

everflame

  posted her thoughts on that link here
http://everflame.livejournal.com/503388.html
 

A private Lutheran School has expelled two girls for loving each other. This from the news link. The dispute started when a student at the school told a teacher in 2005 that one of the girls had said she loved the other. The student advised the teacher to look at the girls' MySpace pages. One of the girls was identified as bisexual on her MySpace page, the other's page said she was "not sure" of her sexual orientation 

I’m disappointed, but not surprised, with the schools decision, and I imagine the school would have acted the same way if the students had been boys. What if Jesus had attended the school and told his footy mates that he loved them? I’m no theologian, but I can’t remember Jesus discriminating against anybody.

A lot of what I write about you have to trust that I’m telling the truth, and this is one of those moments. I remember my life as Judas with increasing frequency. Most of those flashes will never be talked about, but I’m sharing this for the Christians, and everybody else, who still condemns homosexuality. After all you follow the example of God’s Son.

There have been times when I’ve thought Judas was gay, because I’ve never remembered having a wife or partner. One thing I remember is being bathed and oiled by Jesus many times. Yes, two naked men, warm water, rough hands, and dangly bits. Jesus made you feel loved, and a part of that feeling manifested as arousal. He knew the affect he had on people, and was comfortable with this, and at times teasing.

Jesus and Judas slept beside each other many times, and sometimes we have been naked. Our robes were not made of the finest clothe, and it was more comfortable sleeping with the cool night air against our skin. When we travelled Jesus would heal men, women and children, and often fell asleep beside these people. He softened the strongest man, and loved the hardest woman.  

No, we didn’t have sex, but our relationship extended further than camaraderie. We were brothers, friends, family, and lovers. In Jesus’ company you felt loved, as if you were the only person in the world. When he looked into your eyes, you knew he saw into your heart. This is how we’re supposed to live.

This feeling caused people to become jealous, because the honesty and freedom in the moment overwhelmed you. It’s hard to see your spouse, child, mentor, or friend captivated and happy around a stranger.

Jesus’ power heightened and exposed personality traits in people. We all lie: no I’m not jealous, I’m angry because …, I love you, I love myself. Most of the time people experienced freedom and joy, but with resistance, and I see this while healing, some dangerous emotions were exposed.        

Jesus had strong views and he defended his beliefs without attacking another’s. People were threatened by his honesty and strength, but he threatened no one¾he defended the weak. He was a charismatic public speaker, which was something he worked hard to be, because he had been a shy child.

Can we stop this now?

For two thousand years Christians have persecuted others. We do it in Gods name, and quote from a book written by anonymous scribes, and numerous editors. As clearly as I can see Jesus standing beside me, I can also see the parchments that have been lost, to thieves, and decay. Jesus is telling me that the early texts have not always been accurately translated.  

How many of God’s men have sexually abused children, parishioners, and each other? Christian rule is not a democracy. What we decree and resist the most we act out violently. Resistance is not freedom.

Joy. Truth. Freedom. Life.

Two girls were expelled for saying, “I love you.” Imagine how that felt. The I love you, not the judgement.

Can we stop this now?

Great story. Tonight, during my meditation workshop, I channelled Jesus, and he spoke eloquently about life. He has taught me it’s not life that tests us, but our creation of life. We manifest the landmines.

As long as we believe hardship equals growth, we will continue to sabotage our happiness. Jesus and my angelic guide challenge me to do easy.

When does passion become anger, confidence become arrogance, and excitement turn into ego? These are moments we allow until they become habit. You can break the habit by smiling. Smiling is easy, baby’s do it all the time.

We learn tough, we learn anger. Think about the simplicity of a smile. Baby’s smile naturally, but other facial expressions are reactive.

There’s a physical energy that remains in the collective energy? of the earth, that is keeping us (humanity) in destructive habits – racism, violence, war.

I see this energy when I heal. It is real. By removing it with healing, perfect health, life, manifests. During healing I’m not healing the illness, or healing the person, I’m healing the world. I follow the thread of energy into spirit, ancestral bloodlines, and into past life.

On a collective level, we’ve all experienced every lifetime, moment in time, cell, molecule, and thought. The past life that I heal, or I see/experience, is the one, or ones, that have the same creation of illness that the client is experiencing.

There is no separation. Heal one, heal the world.

No separation.

On a personal note I’d like to share that Edgar Cacey kept me company for two weeks in the healing room. He appeared to be observing how I worked. Ocassionaly he came to the table and offered advice and moved my hands.

Cheers, Simon.

Its 12.01 in the morning and I should be sleeping. I can’t believe it's been almost three weeks since I’ve posted anything. Here’s a list of things on my mind.

1) I’m having trouble writing. Where the hell has my creativity gone? I’ve four stories almost completed to post here, but my mind has been blank.

2) I have been able to work on my manuscript though. My verb tenses were a bit confused. The editor has done a good job, and I know the decision to send it to an editor has helped my writing. I have to schedule time to finish the revisions, which is frustrating me beacause I want it done now!

3) These great people inspire me 

m_stiefvater

brennayovanoff

everflame

5) I’ve been a guest speaker at two spiritual churches, where I’ve been well received. Great nights. Good readings.

I’m grateful to be busy, but I’m tired. I’m trying to get too much done at home and I need a schedule. Hey, happy Australia day.

Hey everybody, happy new year. I’m looking forward to a big year, and, in no particular order, I’d like to share some goals and updates.

1) Find an agent! I know you’re out there, and you love me, and my work. We will become good friends, drink and stay up late at least once a year.  
 

2) Continue to build the number of healings I do. This is already happening. I’ve seen 14 new clients over the holiday period. All my business is by referral. Spirit is guiding people to me. Two doctors have come for healing, which I’m thankful for.

3) I’d like more people in the workshops. The workshops allow me to teach and learn.

4) Write more! I need to post more on lj. I’ve new experiences daily, and I’m aware my stories can connect readers with spirit. There’s healing in the words, and spirit encourages me to share.

5) Start a new manuscript! I’m going to write a book about healing. I’ve another WIP about King Arthur, similar to The Disciple, but I think I’ll merge it with another idea.

6) The Disciple, formally Forgiving Judas is visiting an editor. I’m expecting it to return with better manners, and new clothes. I lost some objectivity, and thought a holiday would improve our relationship. I want it to be the best it can be before I contact any more agents. I’ve a list! Yeah baby, ’09 is the year of the contract

7) Love my kids. I separated in April ’08 and I’ve one teenage daughter, who has chosen to live with her step-mum, and two stepchildren who don’t speak to me. A fifteen-year-old daughter lives with me, and a seven-year-old girl, and five-year-old boy visit, four nights every fortnight, and half the school holidays. I love them all, but it’s been a strain adjusting. This is personal stuff ¾ be gentle.

8) Win something! Come on god-of-winning-prizes tell me what to sacrifice. Hell I’ll ninja its #*%*.

9) Travel interstate and overseas to talk about how I heal.

10) Finish renovating.

I’ve left this for last, without a number, because it’s not a goal. Its how I feel. I’ve met some interesting people on lj, and I’m grateful for everyone on my friends list. Some of those people I’ve grown to love. Something extraordinary has happened to me ¾ my work with spirit, the miraculous healings ¾ and I’m sincere when I say I love you. My ex will disagree. (insert sigh)

I’ve stories to post. Speak to you soon.

I wasn’t tagged by <lj user="dawn_metcalf"> but I thought I’d play.

1) Open the closest book - not a favourite or most intellectual book - but the book closest at the moment, to page 56
2) Write out the fifth sentence, as well as two to five sentences following
3) tag five innocents [or more]
4) or take it a step further and do the same for your manuscript

I watched Esmeralda’s eyes grow dim. “And who put that black mark there, Mother?”

Sister Mildred looked stunned. “Esmeralda, your mind grows weak in all this chaos.’

Esmeralda’s gaze did not waver. The tone of her voice was firm, but there was almost a pleading to it. “You could clear my name. You come from a wealthy family. If you were to stand up and take the responsibility for becoming pregnant with me twenty-one years ago, my standing would change. I would then come from a good family, you would be the black sheep.”

¾from Tess Uriza Holthe’s When The Elephants Dance. I’m up to page 30 and I’ve already cried.  

And, from my WIP, The Disciple. I’m talking about the spirit of Moses here. He has spent many hours with me, strengthening my faith.

He is a motivational speaker, and asks his followers to exercise tolerance and compassion for all men¾love thy neighbour. His eyes are lie detectors, burrowing into your soul. During my lessons with him, he analyses every thought and memory I’m engaging to respond to him, and this is what he asks of his followers¾absolute honesty delivered with respect¾thou shall not lie. I admire him¾he is The Terminator of prophets, programmed to complete his mission, no matter what. 

Why can I buy books cheaper from Amazon than I can from Australian retailers? Even with shipping costs and US $ exchange rates the books are almost 50% cheaper. I buy new books online, not second hand, because I want to support authors and publishers. I want to support Australian business and jobs as well, but not if I have to pimp my pets to do so.

A common obstacle I face when asked about what I do is that people can’t comprehend how I heal. Often they believe the healing occurs because of positive thinking. The patient believes I can heal them so they heal themselves. My argument against this is that it’s often the person who is sceptical or nervous who has the quickest response.

My patients feel a variety of physical responses during the healing: heat, tingling, pressure, limbs are manipulated; spines crack, and they’re touched by spirit. The responses don’t happen through suggestion. I don’t always talk while I’m working. Sometimes patients loose all feeling. Other times they experience internal pressure and extremes of heat and cold. The responses are varied and individual.

Often patients describe being aware of what’s happening, but they feel like they’re asleep. I’ve noticed during these moments everyone seems to breathe the same way. I tell people that they were snoring, and they usually all deny this.

I’m not always aware what spirit is doing, or where the energy is working. I may have my hands on the patient’s shoulders and they’ll tell me their knees feel like they’re being straightened or their feet are being massaged.

All of this physical evidence doesn’t support the argument I heal with suggestion, and the patient believes me.

I’ve had so-called spiritual people tell me the healing only works in the auric field. I disagree. These same people talk about their work with angelic energy and ascended masters. Jesus happens to be one of these masters, and is universally recognised as a great healer. Mmmm. Damn! I’m only a man, not an ascended master.

Gegu tells me I only need to have faith and trust. In myself, not spirit or God. Myself?

All energy-healing systems have been watered down over time. They’ve become westernised, commercialised, and practitioners are mimics, not healers.

To be honest, I don’t know how the healing occurs. I can tell you what I observe and feel. I can tell you what I sense and hear, but I’m still a man influenced by personality and life. My life. A lot of what I experience is in the I-don’t-know box, but I will share with honesty.